


Deliverance

by anastiel



Series: Supernatural Codas [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angelic Grace, Angelic Possession, Angst, Coda, Episode: s11e14 The Vessel, M/M, Minor Violence, Season/Series 11, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 14:36:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6055222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anastiel/pseuds/anastiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coda for 11x14 - The Vessel. Castiel and Lucifer have a little chat, and Cas finds the motivation to keep himself fighting. Dean worries for Cas' safety, and pines for him, as he always has and always will. Basically, Dean and Cas being obviously in love with one another, but they're too scared to jump over that final line.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deliverance

They land in an budding alfalfa field, a hundred miles away from Sacramento and fifteen hundred miles from Sam and Dean. Cas screams from within his own body, pounding on his own ribcage with forceful fists, but it’s a futile cause. Lucifer stands, lips tilting down into a disgusted frown, wiping dark patches of dirt off Cas’ coat.

“Now Castiel,” he states in a parody of compassion, “Why don’t you just calm down? You always work yourself up over these boys.” He clicks his tongue, shaking his head in disapproval. “I thought you learned better.”

“You don’t understand,” Cas says. Helplessly, he tries to grasp at the tendrils of Lucifer’s grace floating around him, where he’s trapped within his own soul. He snatches a few and tugs, tugs, tugs until it snaps and crumbles like snow over his head. Lucifer snarls, raising his hand and in front of his eyes, grabs ahold of his ring finger, breaking it in half. Castiel can’t feel the pain now, but when he returns to his own body, he will.

“Quite the contrary, actually. I think I understand _perfectly._ You love them, more than is... acceptable, especially Dean, which I don’t get that, he’s a dick a lot of the time, but then again to each their own.”

He pauses, tapping his pointer finger against his chin, a smirk playing on his lips. “You know, we’re a lot alike you and I, we both fell because we loved too much, isn’t it romantic, Castiel?”

A cackle leaves his throat and he sets off into the field, towards what Castiel neither knows nor cares.

“I’m nothing like you,” Cas spits back, grace pulsing in anger, ready to burst out of his soul and take a tumble with Lucifer’s.

Lucifer mock cringes, and Cas can feel the amusement wafting off of him. “I kinda think you are, and I _believe_ you need some time to think about this gratuitous revelation, so I’m gonna lock you up for a little while and when I think you’re ready to talk again, we’ll talk.”

A mass of Lucifer’s grace jolts together, forming a glowing iridescent wall across Cas’ soul. Cas shoots out grace in defense, but it ricochets back hitting him and engulfing him in a searing heat. Distracted by immense pain, he gives Lucifer enough time to push him back, locking him inside a little notch of his soul. His grace coils around him, now a protective blanket against Lucifer, waiting in preparation for the next attack. His heart aches in reminder of the similar pain he put Jimmy Novak through. Cas might not have been an archangel, but he was powerful nonetheless and the effects of trapping Jimmy inside his own body were massive. It is a guilt he will never escape.

If Cas is being honest with himself, all he wants right now is to be back with Sam and Dean. He needs to explain to them why he did this, especially Dean. Sam understands most likely, to a degree, but Dean will be pissed. Cas knows the tornado of protectiveness that lives inside the man he loves, and the last thing he wants is for Dean to be angry with him.

Cas just wanted to be useful, to help out, instead of just lounging around in his adopted home and recovering. Being alone at the bunker, unable to help on hunts made him feel useless, expendable, and weak, despite Dean’s protestations. Cas can't shake the feeling that one day, his friends will end up getting sick of him, his countless weaknesses, constant failures and fuck-ups and finally leave him. He’ll die that day of a broken heart, if such a thing is possible, he’s sure of it.

He just really wants to talk to Dean.

Of course, he could try to contact Dean before the Winchesters find Lucifer. His phone is in the front pocket of his pants, Dean’s number is on speed dial. He only needs a few minutes. He’d have to take control of his body, of Lucifer again, and he’s not sure he’s strong enough. Lucifer has been quiet for awhile now, only talking to locals they come along when necessary. Testing the waters, he shoots out a burst of grace towards the wall Lucifer raised for him and rejoices when the grace wobbles, threatening to topple over and let him out.

“Are you ready to talk, Castiel?” Lucifer silently asks. They must be in public, otherwise Lucifer would gladly be talking out loud. If there’s one thing the devil loves, it’s hearing himself talk.

“Yes,” Cas shoots back, barely managing to restrain his fluttering, excited grace.

The wall of grace slides down in front of him, twirling around him like wayward threads, watching. Cas doesn’t leave, he needs to save his power, so he bunches his grace into a ball and waits.

“So did you think about it Cas? How you’re similar to me? It shouldn’t have been too hard, it’s pretty obvious. We both fell, we’re both hated by heaven. The only difference is you loved a human too much and I loved God too much. You know what they always say, too much heart is a weakne-”

Cas doesn’t let Lucifer finish his sentence, bursting out of his hideaway and covering Lucifer’s grace with his own, smooshing it into a tiny ball and shoving Lucifer back into the notch where he had just been. The wall is not built easily, haphazardly built out of time, but if Lucifer’s screaming is any indication, it’s working. Cas takes a moment, re-adjusting to having control of his body, being able to see through his own eyes again, and then reaches for his phone.

Dean picks up on the second ring, and Cas starts talking immediately, hoping Dean will know it’s him and not the devil.

“Hello, Dean.” Cas, says straining against the tugging on his grace, which threatens to overpower him and squash him back into that tiny little spot next to his heart.

“Lucifer you son of a bitch, I swear to God if you don’t giv-”

“Dean, stop it’s me. It’s Cas.”

A heavy sigh of relief comes over the line and in a soft voice Dean asks, “Did you kick him out?”

“No, he’s still in me. I don’t have much time, I don’t know how long I can hold him back.”

“Why did you let him do this?” Dean asks, a shaky breath follows his question and tears start pricking in the corner of Cas’ eyes.

“I wanted to help, I wanted to be useful, and I -- he’s the only thing we have, Dean.”

“He could kill you, Cas. We’re gonna figure this out, but you’re not gonna sacrifice yourself for this, you hear me?” Anyone who didn’t know him would think Dean is angry, but the quiver in his voice speaks of fear and Cas wishes he could be there, and that he was himself so that he could take away that fear from Dean.

“I hear you,” Cas replies.

Cas sucks in a sudden breath when Lucifer stabs at his grace, trying and failing to break through the wall. He doesn’t have long.

“Cas,” Dean says.

“Yes?”

“You know you’re not just a tool or our angel helper right? You’re Sam’s friend, you’re my --- I --- we love you, okay? So don’t --- don’t think we don’t care or we’re just gonna let Lucifer take you, cause we’re not.”

A rush of warmth fills him, love, and a lone tear slides down his cheek. “I know,” Cas answers, and then softer, “I love you too.”

Dean and Sam love him, he can do this. Dean and Sam love him. Dean loves him. Dean.

“Where are you?” Dean asks, breaking through Cas’ thoughts.

“California,” Cas states, looks helplessly for a landmark and spots Mount Shasta in the distance. “In a town near Mount Shasta.”

“We’ll be there as soon as we can,” Dean replies the blatant emotion in his voice gone, and he’s back to business as usual, but the brief glimpse of the love Dean holds for him was nice.

“What do you want me to do?” Cas asks. A rush of foreign grace jolts through him and he almost keels over in pain. Lucifer is breaking the wall, Cas can feel it crumbling little by little, but he just needs a few more seconds.

“Hang on until we get to you, keep him occupied. We’re gonna save you Cas.”

“I know you will,” Cas answers, smiling even as Lucifer’s final push of grace breaks through and he feels himself being pushed back into his little notch again.

“Bye Cas,” Dean says, fondly and unknowingly into the phone.

Lucifer smirks, keeping the phone tight against his ear, and Cas cringes, shrinking into a ball and curling in on himself, in fear for Dean and for himself.

“See you soon, _Dean_.”


End file.
